Who is "I" ??

This is a little abstract topic, but I love to think about abstract things!

I believe we say “I” so many times every day. But who is “I”? “I” who is seen from outside, “I” who lives inside of the heart, “I” who observes “I.” Body, spirit, mind, energy… The formless “I” and formed “I”, and in between “I.” There are so many “I”s.

“I” is a part of the universe, so that it withholds everything. Sometimes “I” is light, and sometimes it’s darkness. It is a pure potential beyond good and bad.

“I” is I and you. Or s/he and sometimes the bitch or the asshole. It points the same thing, and it changes its name by the perspectives.

I will call/ed myself “I” now, 10 years ago, and 20 years later. The time I’m depressed or the happiness human on the Earth, I call myself “I.” They are completely different things, but the same “I.” “I” is such a strange name for the changing phenomenon.

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It is 100% up to the individuals to what to think and what to see. The perspectives exist as many as the souls exist. Thus, my perspective belongs to “I.”

“I” is fluid and at the same time, it is the center of our existence.

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Everyone sees the world from “I,” so there are freedom to whatever we think or whatever we are projected.*It is important to choose what to say, and how to say, and that is another topic.

There are times that the perspective of “I” conflicts with other “I”s. Or feeling pressure to keep the perspective of “I.” But still, we have right to be “I.”

To own the “I” for me is sharping the rightlessness/beauty/ethics inside of the heart, and take all the responsibilities for the choice of “I.” This is not easy, especially for outliers.

But when we know the “I”, sharping the “I” , and be honest with the “I,” we don’t need any approvals from outside. When “I” is clear, we can respect other “I”s.

This idea is like from the sky, “Philosopher Kyoko” inside of me is dreaming about how to be the mature “I."

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“What’s the problem? Fun is enough!”

“Oh, I love to follow the collective energy!”

“Let’s go for a trip! Plan? what is that?”

“Hey, there is a good-looking guy over there!"

"Let's go this way. It smells right."

This is my daily “I,” “Wild Kyoko” inside of my heart. “The philosopher Kyoko,” and “Wild Kyoko” exist simultaneously inside of me. The gap between those two makes my life so dynamic.

I love to know many “I”s inside, but just one thing I found is that when “I” is not centered, things get tangled, and I hit the walls. I realize “I” was off centered after I get into the tangles. Being centered is a very simple idea, and it is extreme hard to do for me. I hit walls all the time, so I get used to it in some degree. Hit the wall, find a new way, and just move on! Something like that.

It looks not so smart or cool, but I accept who and where “I" is now. “I” is not fixed, so I can keep sharping the “I.” It’s like “I-ing.”

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“Philosopher Kyoko” shows me how to live my life with rightlessness, and “Wild Kyoko” doesn’t care details, and shows me how to be free. They fight sometimes, well, a lot of times. I believe I have many more characters inside, and I am thrilled to find more.

“I-ing” feels good because I can make many mistakes and learn. It gives me a space of ease, and I guess I have a little more integrated “I” compere with 10 years ago. That’s what all I need.

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For the closing, I’d like to share the Mr.Ko's, the Taiji teacher, words.

“Life is the art.”

I guess it is it.

I dream keep “I-ing” until my last breath.

I wonder if I keep “I-ing," I can be more authentic to my soul self...

Well, I keep this question for the last moment.

Thank you. :)

With love,

Kyoko

Photo credit: Dave Spangenburg