Everyone knows that creativity is important. In my opinion, creativity is life itself. It is fragile at the beginning, it needs a lot of support, and it grows in time.
We can find creativity everywhere in nature. A sprout comes out from a tiny seed, a baby deer born in the spring etc. It is so natural, and a miracle at the same time. A new life births from nothing. It is very understandable that the second chakra is the center of creativity. The source of the creation is a mother giving birth to her child.
Thus, creativity is the birthing process. To try something no one has done, to sharpen something from chaos, to compose music from nowhere etc. Cannot mimic someone, be responsible for all the errors, the only thing we can trust is our own hearts… How hard it is! I have much respect for creators as well as all the mothers who give birth to their children. We forget about the miracle because it is so natural.
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So, being creative, we have to accept being different from others. When I was a child, I was punished when I did something different from others. It was a time when physical punishment was accepted in Japan. My nature is wild, so I received some of them too. I believe in pre-preschool, I already learned that it’s best to follow teachers’ guides, and being a good girl is the way. My creativity shut off around the same time. It is very understandable.
In my 20’s, I did not like creative people. My internal voice said “Why are you guys so free and ok with making messes while I am suppressing my desire so much? Why are you allowed while I am not?” At the same time, I adored their freedom. “How nice to be free. Why do you guys look so happy? How can you be free from others?” And then I developed a lot of jealousy in my heart in time.
I believe it is not so uncommon, especially in Japan. In the collective culture, it is quite necessary to take care of others, and it is one of the virtues in Japan to flow with the collective. However, this culture is a double-edged sword in my opinion. Being creative, we need to try something different from others, and at the same time, it is not welcomed in order to prioritize harmony in the collective. It’s a conflict. And maybe this is one of the reasons why Japanese creators amaze the world. Only the strong creations can survive through those conflicts. And now I dream of the marriage of individual and collective cultures for free individual expressions as a part of collective.
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I’d like to talk about jealousy. This is a hard one to deal with. At least I’ve had a hard time facing this energy, and I guess I will keep working with this energy for a while. My understanding of jealousy is when I am feeling jealousy, part of me is screaming “I want to go outside! Let me out! Let me be free!” At the same time the internal police tells me “Do not go outside, creating chaos is a criminal.” And the internal caregiver says “Oh, it is dangerous outside. You may get hurt. Stay inside, stay the same. It is safe here.” I listened to all of them and stuck in between those to opposite messages from inside. I think this stuck energy sometimes comes out as an arrow to the creative folks in front of us.
It is a problem which all created inside of myself. The internal conflict is none of business for the creators in front of me. Even though I understand this internal conflict, when I feel jealousy, I feel my blood boiling. And then, so, it is the time to say hi to the jealousy.
Sitting with jealousy, the best solution that I found so far is to give a space for the one who wants to be free. My own prescription for this energy is to draw, dance, sing and journal as much as the internal creator wants, and I highly recommend it for everyone feeling jealousy.
My dream is to be guarded by the internal police, supported by the internal caregiver, and let the internal creator to fly! I still get scared to express myself in public, but I think I healed enough to feel safe being myself, and I enjoy my creation more than ever. Writing this blog is part of the healing for me. In time, my hatred toward creators disappeared. I simply respect their strength and will. I even dream of collaborating with creative people in the future. It’s almost funny how much my perspective changed.
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I believe a sprout gets scared when it’s coming out from the seed. Growing out to be totally unknown… It might be eaten, and it might be stomped. Such a risk to come out. Yet I believe the desire to grow wins.
We are also nature, so it is so natural to have the desire to express freely like the sprout. I wish we all be honest with this feeling. If you are afraid to express yourself, and if you wish, will you please get over the fear and find ways for us to express ourselves? We have a choice to be in the change!
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Lastly, I’d like to apologize to the creators who I secretly and openly threw my jealousy arrows at. I am sincerely sorry for my actions. And I respect you from the bottom of my heart.
May we all enjoy free expressions and may the world welcome all of them.
Thank you so much for taking your time.
With love,
Kyoko
Photo credit: Jeremy Bishop
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